

Well, today was pretty rough, to say the least. Olivia is two months old today, so all I wanted to do was spend the day with her to "celebrate" but that didn't happen. It was my first day back at work, and boy was I a mess. Even after taking Olivia to Kathy's a few days last week, I knew today would be hard, and it was. I had knots in my stomach all night last night and this morning before taking her there. Olivia slept good last night..she must have known that I needed to get some sleep before today, although I didn't get much. She got up this morning after I was ready, so that was nice. She made it pretty easy for me. I fed her right before I took her next door, just like Kathy and I talked about. That will be the normal routine in the mornings, if Olivia cooperates. As I was walking her next door, my eyes had already started to tear up. I talked to Kathy for a few minutes, and just couldn't take my eyes off Olivia. The actual physical act of handing her over to Kathy was the worst part. I didn't want to let her go, and immediately just had to walk out. I told Kathy I was sorry, but had to leave. She didn't have to say a thing and I knew she understood. I cried as I walked back to the house to pack things up for work, and most of the way there. However, had to try to get myself a little presentable before walking in the building. Not to mention, all day long people were asking about her and asked if it was my first day back. So, as soon as they asked, how are you doing, I started thinking about it again. I tried to say I was doing okay, but I was not very convincing at all. They knew. I was having a rough day. I just kept telling everyone that I may get a speeding ticket on the way home. Surprisingly, I only called one time today. Kathy was surprised as well. I tried not to be a pest, even though I wanted to call every hour...or minute...or second! Shane is picking her up, and that will be the routine. He will get to spend about an hour with her alone each night...daddy bonding time. However, tonight she was all mine. As soon as I walked in the door, I dropped everything and basically wanted to hold her all night long...so I did! Hopefully each day will get a little easier! We'll see! I made it through the first day, so that is a start!